Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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