I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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