He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
