Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
