i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....