Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...