What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?