I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
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Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
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He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??