you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
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when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
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Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS