was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.