I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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