why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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