and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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