my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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