can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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