I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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