What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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