see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
