I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
