i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
