That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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