Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
