i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
