Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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