my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.