There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him