hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
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Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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