I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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