so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
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Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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