You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
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Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
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If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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