Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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