I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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