I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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