he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
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Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
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For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.