Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
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Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
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Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.