Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
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there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
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Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.