I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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