If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
the liver wants what the liver wants
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
