She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
