we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
