she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
tell me about the eggs
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize