We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
