girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
