I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
