Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
