i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
