the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
he just fucked me for my cheese..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
