He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
