Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
