I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
