Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
