eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
