Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
