remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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