yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
