Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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