It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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