Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
