I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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