I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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